Friday, October 13, 2006
Extra-Terrestrial with a Healing Touch?
Student life dream-team member, Stephanie Adams (21) may be a bigger asset to SSU than originally realized. Ms. Adams has been thought to hold some special “powers” for quite some time, although no one could really “put their finger on it”. The picture shown here reveals that Stephanie may possess a healing touch and possibly more. “She’s out of this world!” stated friend and colleague Heather Mercer (25).
Mercer’s suggestion that Adams is from another planet is shocking to say the least, though perhaps not completely ridiculous. An exclusive interview with Adams revealed little, as she refuses to comment on the accusations that she may be an extra-terrestrial being with healing powers. However, sources state that this assumption is a valid one. “When I’m near her, I feel serene and peaceful” says Resident Advisor, Allerien Ward (20). Other students have anonymously declared that just one touch from Ms. Adams’ healing finger has cured them of all kinds of ailments, from athlete’s foot to ulcers.
Growing skepticism of Stephanie’s earthly citizenship has caused ruckus throughout the SSU community. “We are all better off because of her presence here, so let’s just leave her alone” says President Cheatley in an official statement early yesterday afternoon.
Ms. Adams seems unfazed by the accusations and when cornered simply smiled and with a little mystery in her eyes and said, “May the force be with you all.”
Student life dream-team member, Stephanie Adams (21) may be a bigger asset to SSU than originally realized. Ms. Adams has been thought to hold some special “powers” for quite some time, although no one could really “put their finger on it”. The picture shown here reveals that Stephanie may possess a healing touch and possibly more. “She’s out of this world!” stated friend and colleague Heather Mercer (25).
Mercer’s suggestion that Adams is from another planet is shocking to say the least, though perhaps not completely ridiculous. An exclusive interview with Adams revealed little, as she refuses to comment on the accusations that she may be an extra-terrestrial being with healing powers. However, sources state that this assumption is a valid one. “When I’m near her, I feel serene and peaceful” says Resident Advisor, Allerien Ward (20). Other students have anonymously declared that just one touch from Ms. Adams’ healing finger has cured them of all kinds of ailments, from athlete’s foot to ulcers.
Growing skepticism of Stephanie’s earthly citizenship has caused ruckus throughout the SSU community. “We are all better off because of her presence here, so let’s just leave her alone” says President Cheatley in an official statement early yesterday afternoon.
Ms. Adams seems unfazed by the accusations and when cornered simply smiled and with a little mystery in her eyes and said, “May the force be with you all.”
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Gregg's Early Morning Mystery Solved!
Inquiring minds are begging to know what really goes on at the St. Croix river in the wee hours of the morning. Dr. Gregg Finley is rumored to spend hours at the river "meditating" and praying with the sea otters before he begins his rigorous weekday schedule at St. Stephen's University. Finley's claims have been under suspicion for some time, "He leaves the house before we even go to bed for the night" claims hostess, Mary Ellen Fitch. "When we ask him about it he is vague and illusive."
Dr. Finley has been a tough egg to crack over the past 2 years or so, but after some innocent bystanders claimed to see a large mammel emerging from the river early Monday morning, the puzzle pieces finally began to fall into place. A Ukranian tourist took the above picture showing Gregg Finley conversing NOT with sea otters, but what looks to be Nessie the Lochness monster that Scottish scientists have been trying to capture for years.
"I'm not surprised," states community advisor and celtic expert, Joel Mason, "Professor Finley's dedication to daily celtic prayer is an inspiration to many. It is not uncommon for Nessie to reveal herself to a pure, celtic soul."
The question now is what will St. Stephen authorities do with this information. "It's a hazard to the good people on both sides of the border. I'm concerned for the children." declared a worried citizen who would like to remain anonymous.
Dr. Finley is currently under investigation by the C.I.A. in Calais for conspiracy with a foreign enemy. "This is an act of terrorism and we won't stand for it!" Dick Chaney reported in a CNN newsflash early this morning. "Finley has some tough questions to answer, that's for darn sure."
Dr. Gregg Finley has yet to comment on the photo evidence.
